Saturday, 27 January 2018


Jeffree Star Cosmetics Blood Sugar Palette First Look and Swatches
Jeffree Star Blood Sugar Collection Palette Lip Ammunition Velour Liquid Lipsticks
Most of you know that I have never purchased anything from Jeffree Star and don't intend to, that being said I am not here to make judgments on what other people do and I know if I was to purchase anything from his eponymous brand it would most likely be the Blood Sugar Palette which will be available to purchase on February 10th accompanied by four liquid lipsticks and three traditional cream lipsticks in his lip ammunition formula. 

Jeffree Star Blood Sugar Collection Overview
Unfortunately, I don't have a full set of swatches to show you guys for this palette but I will add that as soon as images are available. The colour story speaks to me and reminds me a lot of the Huda Beauty Desert Dusk Palette. There are differences, however, so I don't want to say it is a dupe or a copy because there are a lot more purples and pinks as well as a nice gradient of browns. If anything it is more cohesive and easier to create looks with so even though I already own and obsess over the Huda Beauty Desert Dusk Palette I would still consider buying this.

Jeffree Star Cosmetics Blood Sugar Eyeshadow Palette
Jeffree Star Cosmetics Blood Sugar Eyeshadow Palette
As of late I have been underwhelmed by a lot of releases and collections so I am surprised to say that I am pretty impressed with this collection. The palette specifically, from the VCR like sleeve, faux leather component and shade names everything is cohesive and well thought out. The same can be said for both the lipstick and the liquid lipsticks. Everything is red chrome, the shadows are embossed with either the signature star or in two instances a needle and a medical symbol for a little twist. The lipstick boxes have this cool holographic kind of heart that I haven't seen before. I can't lie and say I don't think it is a waste of money to spend that much on the packaging of the box as most of it gets thrown away but undoubtedly it is a nice touch

Jeffree Star Cosmetics Blood Sugar Eyeshadow Palette
Liquid Lipsticks are typically not for me, I think the shades are cool especially the purple tones but I am just not a fan of the way they feel for me personally. Of course I haven't tried this formula so I can't speak too much on them. In this collection there are four Velour Liquid Lipstick shades: Romeo - bright rose pink; Self Control - muted lilac; Restraints - metallic grey and Problematic - rich berry purple. Self Control intrigues me the most, in the video reveal Jeffree is wearing it with a gloss on top and it looks cool as hell.

Jeffree Star Blood Sugar Collection Velour Liquid Lipsticks in Self Control, Restraints, Problematic and Romeo Swatches
Like the standard lipstick the Lip Ammunition Shades are similar to the MAC cream finish lipsticks, shiny but not glossy, very pigmented and relatively long wearing. Again some great shades here, Androgyny in particular appeals to me. See swatches of all three below. There is Sinister - dark berry; Androgyny - deep mauve and Calabasas - burnt sienna.

Jeffree Star Cosmetics Blood Sugar Collection Lip Ammunition Lipsticks in Androgyny, Calabasas and Sinister Swatches
Last but not least are the famous lip scrubs, which despite not receiving much hype or exposure seem to very popular. There are three new flavours, they come in a generous red pot and are edible and all very sweet for this Valentine's collection. The flavours are: Cherry Soda. Candy Necklace and Chocolate Covered Strawberries. For me, I prefer my lip products to taste like toothpaste or mint something refreshing and pleasant. I feel like these might be too sickly for me. If I had to have a sweet lip scrub it would have to taste like caramel. Candy and sweets are not my favourite.  

Above you can watch the full video reveal by Jeffree Star. As you know the collection is live on February 10th and is sold on Beauty Bay in the UK. In the US it is available on the Jeffree Star website and in Morphe stores. The UK usually have to wait a little later to receive US made products but I am sure it will be here sooner than you think. Thank you so much for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts on the new collection, especially the new palette. Do you like it? Are the shades your cup of tea? Do you think it is similar to Desert Dusk or not? Leave all your comments and opinions below. Do you support Jeffree? If you no longer want me to comment on his launches please let me know that as well, I only want to write about what you are interested in and don't wish to offend anyone by recycling this information. Hope you are having a great weekend. Take care. 

What do you think of JSC and the new Blood Sugar Palette and collection?


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Thursday, 25 January 2018


Too Faced The Beautiful and the Bronzed Palette French Riviera Edition Review and Swatches
One of my resolutions for 2018 is to stop being such an easy target for new releases, 2017 me would peruse the New In section religiously and salivate over the description boxes of YouTube videos until my debit card would scream for help. A surefire way to combat this is to pay better attention to my existing collection which is more extensive than one person would ever need. My problem is I get bored easily and new makeup excites me. It spurs my creativity and sparks off a million ideas for new looks. Luckily this is reserved especially for eyeshadow, I have so much eyeshadow. My two favourite steps in my makeup routine are eyeshadow and contouring. There is nothing better than being able to chisel out my face. For this reason I never cared much for bronzer, this gorgeous and convenient travel palette from Too Faced called The Beautiful and the Bronzed French Riviera edition, which is all my Fitzgerald fantasies come true, that I snatched on eBay in my first year at university has barely been touched as a result of this. Since I purchased the Sleek Makeup Face Form Contour Kit in Medium every other cheek product has been long discarded. It wasn’t until I got the NYX Contour and Highlight Pro Palette, which I currently, frustratingly, cannot locate, that I developed an appreciation for bronzer. How it warms and livens up my skin, adds shape without being harsh, grey or too dark. 

Too Faced The Beautiful and the Bronzed Palette French Riviera Edition Review and Swatches
My plan therefore is to put this little bronzer wardrobe to good use. It would be much better suited to fairer skin than mine but it is what it is, at least with it being winter my skin is a fair as it goes. Hopefully I will get some good use out of it and it will be a decent stand in for my NYX palette. Truly I don’t have a bad word to say about it, all the powders are soft, smooth and buttery to the touch, everything even after many years of neglect smells and operates perfectly. Even the liquid Primed and Poreless bronze tint is intact, still the exact same consistency, colour and finish as when I first bought it. I am excited to create looks with it, even if I only end up using it for my eyes. I would love to know if there are any makeup products you have ever bought and used only once or twice before moving to greener pastures. Let me know in the comments below, hopefully you will be seeing some looks with this palette very soon. Don’t forget to follow me on Bloglovin’. Take care. 

What is one product you need, or want, to use more?


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Monday, 22 January 2018


Finally a post that is not focused on any new releases, these are my favourite mascaras of the moment and they all happen to be extremely affordable. I am pretty sure I have mentioned all of these on my blog already because they are firm favourites in my collection that I constantly revisit. Mascara is definitely a product you can save on, as these are products that I always reach for over many of my high end mascaras. I hope you like this post, I will go into detail about what I like about each mascara and hope you enjoy this post.

First up, and the hardest one to get your hands on in the UK is the Cover Girl Super Sizer Fibres mascara. I bought this in January last year (yes I have kept it and used it for much longer than the recommended three months) after hearing a few beauty gurus rave about it and I have not been disappointed. It has such a skinny wand that literally grabs every single lash. It is fantastic for separating and fanning out your lashes evenly to give it a very pretty look without being clumpy or thick, plus it is easy to remove. 

The Essence Lash Princess mascara is so good if you can look past the slightly childish packaging and cringey name you will discover a mascara that delivers one hell of a curl and uplift to your lashes. Again another mascara that is easy to use, remove and build on the lashes. No clumps, no flaking, just pretty, flirty lashes with great volume at a very attractive price. 

The L'Oreal Miss Baby Roll mascara has such an odd wand but it is a one and done mascara. It does it all: lifts, defines, separates and curls.It even adds heaps of volume and if you get the waterproof version it absolutely will not budge, flake or smudge. This is the one I reach for when the weather is shit or if I am pulling a long shift and feel like rocking some serious lash. I apply all my mascaras the same way by wiping off the excess first and by doing this I find my lashes are rarely clumpy. Less is definitely more when it comes to mascara for me and I would much rather build thin layers than frantically try and fix a mascara mess. There is nothing worse than when you accidentally overdo mascara and it ends up looking like you have only three lashes. 

Thank you so much for reading, most of my favourite mascaras are affordable. If you have tried these and not got on with them I highly recommend Maybelline mascaras. The Lash Sensational and Falsies mascaras are phenomenal. L'Oreal's Lash Paradise is next on my list to try. I would love to hear what your current favourite mascara is in the comments and what mascara you are fixing to buy next? Don't forget to comment before you leave and follow me on Bloglovin'. Take care. 

What is your current favourite mascara?


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Wednesday, 17 January 2018


Anastasia Beverly Hills Soft Glam Eyeshadow Palette First Look & Swatches
I feel really bad that the ABH palettes always seem to get leaked, I don't know how that keeps happening but nevertheless this is a new release I am pretty excited about and am sure is going to be a big hit with everybody. The brand new Soft Glam Palette delivers exactly that, a neutral lover's dream but also an incredibly versatile and great complementary palette. We all need good transition shades and inner corner highlights, a matte black to accompany almost all of our eye looks so this is a palette that has a place in everybody's collection. Created to be just that, a palette with all your everyday staple shades in one place but also with brides and "soft glam" looks in mind, there is something extraordinarily simple and easy about this palette that I appreciate. Scroll for swatches.

New Anastasia Beverly Hills Soft Glam Palette & Swatches
Norvina announced this palette officially on her Instagram and the annotated pictures of swatches are screenshots I took from her Story, apologies for the quality. The palette comprises 14 shades like all ABH palettes and 7 are new (Glistening, Rose Pine, Sultry, Bronze, Mulberry, Fairy and Rustic), 3 are present in the Modern Renaissance Palette (£43) (Tempera, Burnt Orange and Cyprus Umber) and Orange Soda, Dusty Rose, Burnt Orange, Sienna and Noir are all available as single eyeshadows. Norvina (her real name is Claudia) did say she had more campaign work to show in late February so I anticipate a March release. I guess it will be £43, interesting because I am sure the Modern Renaissance Palette used to be £41, did they hike the price up by £2? *rolls eyes*

Anastasia Beverly Hills Soft Glam Eyeshadow Palette & Swatches
Personally, I think the palette looks really nice and I would love to own it, whether I buy it or not all just depends on my funds at the time of release. I do already own a lot of neutral shadows so I can't say with full certainty that I will buy it. Also, lately, I haven't been wearing much eyeshadow at all which is quite unlike me, I have been resorting to smudging bronzer on my eyelids instead. It doesn;t help that I have a cold yet again, pretty sure 80% of the time I have spent in London has been me being ill. One of the reasons Noir was included in the palette was because of the soft cat eye bridal looks Norvina is a fan of. She credits many muas as being the inspiration for this bridal colour story, including one of my all time favourite makeup artists, @makeupbylilit who has a YouTube channel. Below you can see one of her signature bridal looks on a client of hers. 

Thank you so much for reading, I am sorry to do another "first look" post so soon, but this launch was too good to not comment on. I really like ABH shadows and the pigmentation and texture look borderline edible for this palette. One of my favourite things about ABH palettes are the names and the cohesiveness of their palettes which I felt were really evident in Modern Renaissance with the the title, shade names and colours. With this palette I feel like they could have thought of a better name but it is what it is called, I guess, and a lot of the shades are existing so that explains the names not being as cohesive. Nevertheless, an exciting launch for me. I would love to know what your thoughts are regarding this palette in the comments below. I don't understand why the ABH palettes always seem to get leaked, it seems really unfair and unnecessary, what does anyone gain out of doing that? I will have a review post up for you guys shortly, I have accumulated so much drugstore makeup and skincare over the past few months that I am a bit stuck on what to review first to be honest. First world problems. Come back soon for reviews and more. Take care. 

What are your thoughts on Soft Glam?


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Sunday, 14 January 2018


Tarte Shape Tape Hydrating Foundation All 15 swatches
 I don't want to beat around the bush because this has been BIG news over the last few days. As you most likely all know Tarte Cosmetics have expanded their ever popular Shape Tape range, consisting of their freakishly high in demand Tarte Shape Tape Contour Concealer (review here) allegedly one of these is sold every twenty seconds, to two brand new foundations. There is the Hydrating Formula, allegedly better applied with their new sponge, and the Matte Formula, allegedly better applied with their new paddle brush. Although everyone has been clamouring for a Shape Tape foundation, the masses have been less than impressed by the limited shade range of 15 that features only two deep/dark shades in both formulas. Tarte is known for adding shades further down the line but most agree with their gargantuan budget there just is no excuse. 

Tarte Shape Tape Matte Foundation All 15 Swatches
Both the Hydrating and the Matte Foundations offer good coverage coverage, the Matte is of course intended for those of us with oily skin, acne scars and blemishes. The Hydrating Shape Tape Foundation is geared towards those with dry skin but still promises medium to full coverage and is reported as being dewy and luminous without being greasy, according to PopSugar whose swatches are pictured above. Both formulas appear easy to blend. The foundations will be available from January 15th on, 21st January on and February 4th in Ulta stores. For my UK pretties, you can expect the Shape Tape Foundation to land exclusively on the QVC UK website (hopefully in a good deal with that paddle brush or sponge) this March 2018

Tarte Shape Tape Hydrating and Matte Foundations Packaging
Thank you so much for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts on there being a Shape Tape foundation. Which formula are you most interested in? What do you think of the swatches and shade range? Do you think they should have waited and released a more respectable amount of shades? I have wanted a Shape Tape foundation forever and I am keen to try the Matte one, if I am being honest I have never really gotten on with Tarte foundation shades. It seems to me even though they have a tonne of beige shades, which should be appropriate for me, all of them are slightly off the mark. Disappointing. Follow me on social media and Bloglovin' and come back soon. Take care. 

What are your thoughts on the new Tarte Shape Tape Foundations?


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*Informations sources and swatches: PopSugar and Cosmopolitan

Wednesday, 10 January 2018


Poundland Foundation Teardrop Brush Review
I have been meaning to post this review forever. I love finding great cheap things. I saw this brush in Poundland and instantly thought of the popular insta-trend teardrop foundation brushes from brands like Eloise and Iconic London. It is quite small and cute, plus the actual aesthetic is pretty nice in my personal opinion. I have a video below showing how I use it and how it performs. I have been using it consistently for weeks and overall I think it is a great brush for the money. The bristles aren't as dense as I prefer in a foundation brush but it does work just as well it takes a little extra time to blend seamlessly. I think it is a great option for travelling as it is so tiny, I clean mine with baby shampoo and it cleans up a treat. The bristles are soft and feel nice on the face, not scratchy.

Fully expected this brush to be a complete flop but honestly I am happy with the results. Like most makeup addicts I own a ridiculous amount of makeup brushes and tools. Foundation brushes are a staple for me and of course I own a beauty blender and various dupes, even a silisponge which I still need to use, and I still think I will reach for this over those other tools. It makes me want to try the more expensive teardrop brushes but at the moment I am satisfied with this affordable alternative. You can watch my video below, don't forget to subscribe.  

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this short and sweet post, because I do have the video I thought I would keep this one brief. I can't find a link to this brush online and I know it is only available in some stores. I bought mine back home as I couldn't find it any of the London Poundland stores which is odd. I do think brushes are an area of makeup worth investing in and there are definitely better foundation brushes out there, but I did find this brush to be very impressive in terms of the quality of the bristles and the handle is so ergonomic, I just really enjoy using it. Don't forget to follow me on Bloglovin' and all the other social things. Speak soon. Take care. 

How was your Christmas?


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Sunday, 7 January 2018


What I Got For Christmas Haul | Huda Beauty Desert Dusk Palette
Christmas happened so fast this year, I blinked and all of a sudden it was 9pm. Here are some of Christmas gifts I received. I haven't dived into any of them yet so this won't be a review post but I will go into some detail as to why I wanted or received such a gift. I love Christmas haul posts over gift guides as it gives me much better ideas as to what to give as presents to other people. I will be swatching and reviewing everything on my blog at some point. I hope you like this post, thank you to my family who actually listened to me this year. I am really happy with the gifts I got and feel very grateful but I want to take this time to reiterate that it honestly doesn't matter what you get or how many presents you have, some of these are gifts I have given not received, but because they were cool, even if I do say so myself, I thought why not include them?

Huda Beauty Desert Dusk Palette
Huda Beauty Desert Dusk Palette (£56) I have wanted this palette for so long. When I saw reviews bashing the shade Amethyst I was not happy. The whole reason I want this palette is for that gorgeous purple shade (ColourPop do a dupe). I cannot wait to create looks with this palette. Huda Beauty Rose Gold Palette is my baby, my ride or die, I could wear it every day of my life so I think this one will be a winner for me this year as well. 

Charlotte Tilbury Gift of Goddess Skin
Charlotte Tilbury Gift of Goddess Skin (£39) This was a birthday gift for my sister. She has always been tempted to buy Charlotte Tilbury products because her skin has been extremely confused as of late but that is a hefty price tag without a guarantee of results so this gift set was the perfect present before. I was a little disappointed with how small it is, each bottle is 15ml and it contains Goddess Skin Clay Mask, Magic Cream and Wonder Glow Primer. Perfect for travelling. I am sure she will take it on the many holidays she has scheduled this year. 

Iconic London Day to Slay Palette 
Iconic Day to Slay Palette

Iconic London Day To Slay Palette (£45) Another present for my sister. It is a gorgeous eyes hadow palette with an array of neutrals and warm tones which really compliment brown eyes. In my culture we have a nonsensical tradition where a new bride should take new possessions with her to her new home. So I am slowly helping her grow/revamp/improve her collection for the time when she can no longer has access to all of mine.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho This gift is something that made me really happy. I also received The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway in a gorgeous hardback book. If you know me you know that I love to read almost as much as I love to watch makeup videos. They are my two vices in terms of entertainment. I don't own any truly beautiful books so I am really pleased with this gift especially as I do most of my reading on my iPhone which detracts from the immersion of reading that I felt when I was younger and engrossed in a book.

Perfectly Flawless LED Light Up Mirror
Perfectly Flawless LED Light Up Mirror ($40) Very much needed, my darling mother bought me this because she knows how vain I am, kidding, I am in desperate need of a good mirror for makeup application because right now I make do with a flippable Revlon mirror which is great but not practical. We all know half the battle is good lighting so I am excited to start using this hopefully it will make filming YouTube videos a lot easier as well.

Pyjamas and Cosy Slippers
Pyjama Set & Slippers Is it even Christmas if you don't get a pair of pyjamas and cosy slippers from your parents? I say parents but I mean my Mum because God knows my Dad has even less of a clue of what I am about to open than I do. From George Asda, both oversized and gloriously soft.

Yankee Candle Lavender and Vanilla
Yankee Lavender Vanilla Candle (£8) Candlelight is so soothing to me, more so than just the warm inviting scent but also just the flicker of a flame it is my substitution for bubble baths in London as it calms a piece of my soul. Lavender, honey and vanilla are my go to scents for anything so this is the perfect candle for me given to me by my lovely Massi (aunt). 

Fenty Beauty Pro Filtr Foundation
Fenty Beauty Pro Filtr Foundation 300 (£26) One more gift I explicitly requested, with my family you could hire a skywriter to tell them what you want and they would still ignore it. It all just depends on their mood. If my family had a motto it would be: you get what you are given and that applies to everything, nor do I think it is a bad motto, but I was pleased as punch when I opened to see they did manage to get this. Another product I have wanted to try since its launch especially with the glowing reviews waxing lyrical about the longevity and finish. I hope it works for me. 

Lindt Teddy Bear MAC Book Flip Up Mirtor
Lindt Teddy Bear Christmas never passes by without chocolate, this, because it is so gosh darn cute, is the only piece that survived Christmas Day. My selection box and coconut toblerone were quickly devoured. It's just so adorable. Lindt chocolate makes me think of the film Chocolat which is one of my favourite films as is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the first one of course) which we actually watched on Christmas Day. 

Apple MAC Flip Up Mirror (£4) A small gift from my other aunt and another completely adorable one at that. I don't think I will ever own a MAC in my life, Lord knows I want Final Cut Pro but truthfully they scare me so this is such a sweet novelty gift. Plus, I imagine at one point someone will think it really is a minuscule laptop, probably my Grandad. 

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
We Should All Be Feminists Extremely short book and a paper back, my sister has several copies of these and is a firm believer that everyone should own a copy so in her quest to make me a better person she gave me one. I will read it soon, please let me know if you have read it or if you have any book recommendations yourself that are worthy of buying hard copies. 

Thank you so much for reading my post. I would love to know what you did for Christmas Day and what gifts you received and traditions you have in the comments. Hope you are having a great first week. I will be back in London tomorrow which could go either way: my mood could plummet or soar. Check back on Monday for a new post. Take care. 

How was your Christmas?


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Wednesday, 3 January 2018


In my short time using Influenster I have been lucky enough to receive two of their infamous (or should I say instafamous?) Vox Boxes. The last one was full of Bourjois Lipstick (post here) and this box contained Rimmel's best holiday picks including some novelty tattoos. I had no idea what I was getting and have been using the past week to play around with everything and let you know what I think. One of my previous posts featured the stunning nail varnish and you can read that here.

Rimmel London Lip Art Topper in 010, 020, 030 (top to bottom swatches)
This glossy trio of metallic top coats are perfect worn over other lip products to give some high intensity shine or extra dimension. I wish they had shade names, hey Rimmel if you are looking to employ someone to exclusively name your products inbox me, but 010 is the clear high shine top coat that would pair well with anything as it has a stunning multi-dimensional iridescence and makes your lips look super juicy. 020 is a true gold with a more darker hue, pairs well with a nude and 030 is a rich champagne gold, like Champagne Pop in lip gloss form. I like wearing them alone, but they look stunning over everything. The applicator is easy to use and allows precision and the formula isn't sticky or uncomfortable.

The Ink Me Eye and Body Liners claim to be transfer-free, smudge resistant liners with a precise wand and long lasting formula. Personally, I am not a fan of these. They look great when first applied and the wand allows great control but there was no lasting power for me, I found them to smudge easily. The black liner possessed slightly more longevity but the gold disappeared in under two hours. They also have a shiny finish and I prefer a matte, but one positive is they are easy to remove.

Holy shit this mascara is good. It gives my lashes mega-oomph, they are so black, so lifted and very noticeable. It can be easily overdone and before you know it you have tarantula lashes so I recommend gradual building but this can give you a false lash effect like no other. Pleasantly surprised, it is a heavier formula than I am used to but holds a curl and lasts really well throughout the day. No smudging or flakiness. I have had some recent skin issues so I love piling on this mascara to distract from the acne world on my chin. Genuinely surprised by this as I have never felt the urge to try a mascara from Rimmel but for party season and clubbing (not that I do either) this is pretty good. You do have to be careful with it though if overdone you can get clumpy lashes quickly as the bristles are so short, I always wipe the excess mascara on the wand onto a tissue before going onto my lashes and that works well for me. It is also slightly wet so will transfer if you apply it too heavy.

I have already talked about this nail polish and I love the colour more than anything. It is so fun and has the perfect amount of glitter to make it festive without being tacky. The formula demands a top coat or a base coat or even both otherwise it flakes and peels off easily. You need to two coats for full red glitter goodness, but overall a great staple for the winter months as it serves as a great pick me up.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post. I would love to know what you think of Influenster, have you signed up? Have you received any Vox Boxes? I hope your first week of 2018 is going well, come back on Saturday for my Christmas Haul. Don't forget to follow. Take care.

What are your favourite Rimmel products?


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*Gifted from Influenster

Monday, 1 January 2018


2017 was a bit all over the place and I honestly have a good feeling next year. My sister is getting married, I will have finished my MSc. It is going to be a damn good year, I am telling you, I feel it in my bones. But truthfully this year was a bit of a shitshow for me. I learned a lot about myself and I had to adjust and adapt numerous times. I travelled alone for the first time in my life and loved it. I have made more money blogging this year than any other year and I started uploading, albeit sporadically, on YouTube which has been a goal of mine for fucking-ever. I think I am growing as a person and I am truly excited to see where this year takes me. I wish you all a blissfully happy, healthy and prosperous new year. For all of you who have read even one of my posts, clicked on a link, commented on any of my social medias, asked me a question on Snapchat, supported me in times of stress thank you from the bottom of my tiny heart. You are a piece of joy in my life. I am more open and candid here than I have ever been, I hope this helps you and thank you for being there for me even when I couldn't be bothered to post. It has meant more than I can express.


This is my biggest one and my main challenge this year. I worry about so much, a lot of you most likely can relate. Nothing is good enough. I go to bed feeling like a failure because I am not where I want to be at the age of 23. I am incredibly hard on myself which leeches the enjoyment out of my life. There is so much I want to do and I am angry with myself for letting myself down time and time again by not having the balls to do it. I filmed my first YouTube video on my Sony laptop (RIP Toby) in first year at 18 years old and instantly deleted it. If I could go back in time and strangle myself I would, imagine if I had kept at it. Five years later I would be much better and not such a novice. Regrets are pointless now so I want to make this a year of doing. I want to start filming for YouTube and creating and posting makeup looks even though I know I am nowhere close to the talent all of you seen online. Instead of saying why them say why not me? You need to be your own cheerleader it is as simple as that. The world waits for no-one and we could all die tomorrow so suck it up and live for today. 


My biggest strength is my ability to procrastinate, but my biggest lesson this year is that I am in charge of my own life. It is all me. Every mistake, regret and achievement has been of my own doing (with a little help, of course, I am not a narcissist). I put off making videos because I wanted them to be perfect, I wanted that picturesque background, than $2000 Canon camera with a Sigma lens, a tripod, a Diva ring light and studio panels. The whole works. Well, I don't have the space for that and I don't want to spend a small fortune on something I might not stick with. Everybody starts somewhere but you have to put the work in. Same goes for my studies and my career goals. I plan to work in a very competitive field but I am a determined person, I know this. I know I can do it. So why do I keep making excuses and putting off tasks that will help be the person I want to be? Fear. Well, fuck fear. Fear has done fuck all for me. So it is time to make it all happen. And it starts with you. 


It is hard for me to write this because I am a private person and I have this awkward fear about people seeing or knowing too much about me, like it gives them this irreversible power. It’s irrational and it stems a lot from past relationships and friendships, I have regretted opening up to people in the past and right now at this stage in my life I am just tired. I am tired of pretending I am okay all the time and worrying about what I say as it might give people ammunition against me in the future. I don’t like people very much and that is never going to change. Honesty is something I admire the most in the people I surround myself with and I am too cautious and wary to be able to get the most out of my friendships. I don’t have time for people who don’t have time for the truth. I am lucky to have cultivated some great friendships this year which I hope last my lifetime. They have inspired me as in such a short space of time I learnt so much about them, the darkest and brightest times of their lives and their families and friends and I opened up almost immediately and felt truly liberated. I want all my friendships to be like that. So that is a key goal of mine to be more honest with the people in my life because it has been a mixed bag of a year and I honestly don’t know why I am so afraid to talk to people when I am struggling. As someone who wants a career in mental health I am a bit of a hypocrite. Maybe a lot.


Leading on from the last goal, this has been a tough year for me. I can’t put my finger on why exactly but I have struggled a lot. Irrationally so. The uncertainty of my future feels like this impossible weight around my neck and I am scared all the time. I let my fear dictate what I do so I feel limited in what I can achieve which is why it is imperative that I do my utmost to achieve the first goal I mentioned. Gratitude is one of the key things psychologists have correlated to happiness. Those who list what they are thankful for daily are likely to feel happier with their life.  I have a lot to be grateful for. Not all of you know that I work in a hospital when I am home from London, I work in Histology during the week and on the wards at the weekends for patient contact experience. In a way I have never really thought about it before even though I was always aware of it I am so infinitely grateful for what I have. For all the suffering I have been spared in my life. For my health, my home, my parents, my family. All the love, safety and security that exists in my daily life is priceless. So many people don’t have that. So many people from the second they are born are dealt such a shit hand and I have seen this in front of my eyes. I am thankful there are people that care in the world. I am thankful for the NHS and for the people that work on Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve, not because of the extra money but because they can see the bigger picture. Imagine needing to go to hospital on Christmas, or having to call the police or experiencing some other emergency. It would be unbelievably shit, wouldn’t it? So the least I can do is be there for the people that have had their day ruined beyond belief. I see patients that don’t get a single member of their family come to visit them and it breaks my fucking heart. I am so lucky. And I want to remember that every day of my life. You don’t appreciate what you have until it is gone and that is the sad and simple truth. If you don’t have a cold or the flu right now take a big deep breath, if you can walk, run and fix yourself a sandwich marvel at the ability and amazingness your body is capable of. I am not saying you should live every second kissing the ground appreciative of the breath you are given but just feel it in your heart that you have something many people don’t. It’s a short life but if you experience a little bit of the beauty this world and the people in it have to offer it can be a glorious one. 


I made a lot of impulse purchases last year for no real reason. I bought Juvia’s Place Eyeshaodw Palettes and the Morphe x Jaclyn Hill Palette all from US sites when if I had just waited and bided my time I could have saved myself a shit tonne of cash. I paid add-on shipping fees and custom fees shelling out a lot of money when both brands and products came to Beauty Bay in a matter of months. The idea behind it was I wanted to review it on my blog and YouTube channel but feeling so stupid when Beauty Bay announced both products were coming to them I felt too ashamed and too frivolous to bring myself to open the palettes. I am a master at self-berating. So this year I want to be patient and wait before making impulsive decisions. I think that will make me mentally healthier in the long run and would do my bank balance some good in the process as well.


I love products, I love beauty. I want to try it all. No matter the price or the ingredients list and although I am selective when it comes to what I try out as the beauty industry is so saturated at the moment with new brands and new releases happening every day I could be better. I am already partially doing this, but over the last two years I have realised that the profit margins on these products that we are eating up like candy are astronomical. So instead of giving up my hard-earned money for an £80 face cream I am going to look at the ingredients and see if I can try and find a cheaper alternative or formulate something myself. I highly recommend a lot of you do this, especially with skincare. It is the active ingredients that do the most work and if you can figure out what they are you can purchase them at a health store and add them to your moisturiser and reap the benefits whilst saving yourself a lot of money. One example is the MV Organics Pure Jojoba Seed Oil, this is exactly what it says. There is just one ingredient in here and that is pure jojoba seed oil which you can purchase for £5.49 for 50ml compared to the £30 bottle they sell on Cult Beauty. 

There are of course other resolutions on my list like losing weight, exercising more, eating better (yawn, I know) and also wearing earrings and just generally being less of a tit this year. Thank you so much for reading this a ridiculously long post but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. Thank you all for everything you have done for yourselves this year. I have had people reach out to me when I feel like dog shit and just knowing that people care about you can be a total game-changer. So above all, whether you achieve what you want to or not please look after yourselves. There is only one of you after all. Please leave a comment, share your highs and lows of the year, your resolutions and what you are most looking forward to next year. I cannot wait to read them all. Take care.

What are your goals for 2018 and what have you learned this year?


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