Monday, 1 January 2018

HAPPY NEW YEAR | 2018 RESOLUTIONS



2017 was a bit all over the place and I honestly have a good feeling next year. My sister is getting married, I will have finished my MSc. It is going to be a damn good year, I am telling you, I feel it in my bones. But truthfully this year was a bit of a shitshow for me. I learned a lot about myself and I had to adjust and adapt numerous times. I travelled alone for the first time in my life and loved it. I have made more money blogging this year than any other year and I started uploading, albeit sporadically, on YouTube which has been a goal of mine for fucking-ever. I think I am growing as a person and I am truly excited to see where this year takes me. I wish you all a blissfully happy, healthy and prosperous new year. For all of you who have read even one of my posts, clicked on a link, commented on any of my social medias, asked me a question on Snapchat, supported me in times of stress thank you from the bottom of my tiny heart. You are a piece of joy in my life. I am more open and candid here than I have ever been, I hope this helps you and thank you for being there for me even when I couldn't be bothered to post. It has meant more than I can express.

FUCK INSECURITIES

This is my biggest one and my main challenge this year. I worry about so much, a lot of you most likely can relate. Nothing is good enough. I go to bed feeling like a failure because I am not where I want to be at the age of 23. I am incredibly hard on myself which leeches the enjoyment out of my life. There is so much I want to do and I am angry with myself for letting myself down time and time again by not having the balls to do it. I filmed my first YouTube video on my Sony laptop (RIP Toby) in first year at 18 years old and instantly deleted it. If I could go back in time and strangle myself I would, imagine if I had kept at it. Five years later I would be much better and not such a novice. Regrets are pointless now so I want to make this a year of doing. I want to start filming for YouTube and creating and posting makeup looks even though I know I am nowhere close to the talent all of you seen online. Instead of saying why them say why not me? You need to be your own cheerleader it is as simple as that. The world waits for no-one and we could all die tomorrow so suck it up and live for today. 

STOP MAKING EXCUSES

My biggest strength is my ability to procrastinate, but my biggest lesson this year is that I am in charge of my own life. It is all me. Every mistake, regret and achievement has been of my own doing (with a little help, of course, I am not a narcissist). I put off making videos because I wanted them to be perfect, I wanted that picturesque background, than $2000 Canon camera with a Sigma lens, a tripod, a Diva ring light and studio panels. The whole works. Well, I don't have the space for that and I don't want to spend a small fortune on something I might not stick with. Everybody starts somewhere but you have to put the work in. Same goes for my studies and my career goals. I plan to work in a very competitive field but I am a determined person, I know this. I know I can do it. So why do I keep making excuses and putting off tasks that will help be the person I want to be? Fear. Well, fuck fear. Fear has done fuck all for me. So it is time to make it all happen. And it starts with you. 

HONESTY

It is hard for me to write this because I am a private person and I have this awkward fear about people seeing or knowing too much about me, like it gives them this irreversible power. It’s irrational and it stems a lot from past relationships and friendships, I have regretted opening up to people in the past and right now at this stage in my life I am just tired. I am tired of pretending I am okay all the time and worrying about what I say as it might give people ammunition against me in the future. I don’t like people very much and that is never going to change. Honesty is something I admire the most in the people I surround myself with and I am too cautious and wary to be able to get the most out of my friendships. I don’t have time for people who don’t have time for the truth. I am lucky to have cultivated some great friendships this year which I hope last my lifetime. They have inspired me as in such a short space of time I learnt so much about them, the darkest and brightest times of their lives and their families and friends and I opened up almost immediately and felt truly liberated. I want all my friendships to be like that. So that is a key goal of mine to be more honest with the people in my life because it has been a mixed bag of a year and I honestly don’t know why I am so afraid to talk to people when I am struggling. As someone who wants a career in mental health I am a bit of a hypocrite. Maybe a lot.

GRATITUDE

Leading on from the last goal, this has been a tough year for me. I can’t put my finger on why exactly but I have struggled a lot. Irrationally so. The uncertainty of my future feels like this impossible weight around my neck and I am scared all the time. I let my fear dictate what I do so I feel limited in what I can achieve which is why it is imperative that I do my utmost to achieve the first goal I mentioned. Gratitude is one of the key things psychologists have correlated to happiness. Those who list what they are thankful for daily are likely to feel happier with their life.  I have a lot to be grateful for. Not all of you know that I work in a hospital when I am home from London, I work in Histology during the week and on the wards at the weekends for patient contact experience. In a way I have never really thought about it before even though I was always aware of it I am so infinitely grateful for what I have. For all the suffering I have been spared in my life. For my health, my home, my parents, my family. All the love, safety and security that exists in my daily life is priceless. So many people don’t have that. So many people from the second they are born are dealt such a shit hand and I have seen this in front of my eyes. I am thankful there are people that care in the world. I am thankful for the NHS and for the people that work on Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve, not because of the extra money but because they can see the bigger picture. Imagine needing to go to hospital on Christmas, or having to call the police or experiencing some other emergency. It would be unbelievably shit, wouldn’t it? So the least I can do is be there for the people that have had their day ruined beyond belief. I see patients that don’t get a single member of their family come to visit them and it breaks my fucking heart. I am so lucky. And I want to remember that every day of my life. You don’t appreciate what you have until it is gone and that is the sad and simple truth. If you don’t have a cold or the flu right now take a big deep breath, if you can walk, run and fix yourself a sandwich marvel at the ability and amazingness your body is capable of. I am not saying you should live every second kissing the ground appreciative of the breath you are given but just feel it in your heart that you have something many people don’t. It’s a short life but if you experience a little bit of the beauty this world and the people in it have to offer it can be a glorious one. 

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

I made a lot of impulse purchases last year for no real reason. I bought Juvia’s Place Eyeshaodw Palettes and the Morphe x Jaclyn Hill Palette all from US sites when if I had just waited and bided my time I could have saved myself a shit tonne of cash. I paid add-on shipping fees and custom fees shelling out a lot of money when both brands and products came to Beauty Bay in a matter of months. The idea behind it was I wanted to review it on my blog and YouTube channel but feeling so stupid when Beauty Bay announced both products were coming to them I felt too ashamed and too frivolous to bring myself to open the palettes. I am a master at self-berating. So this year I want to be patient and wait before making impulsive decisions. I think that will make me mentally healthier in the long run and would do my bank balance some good in the process as well.

BE MORE SAVVY

I love products, I love beauty. I want to try it all. No matter the price or the ingredients list and although I am selective when it comes to what I try out as the beauty industry is so saturated at the moment with new brands and new releases happening every day I could be better. I am already partially doing this, but over the last two years I have realised that the profit margins on these products that we are eating up like candy are astronomical. So instead of giving up my hard-earned money for an £80 face cream I am going to look at the ingredients and see if I can try and find a cheaper alternative or formulate something myself. I highly recommend a lot of you do this, especially with skincare. It is the active ingredients that do the most work and if you can figure out what they are you can purchase them at a health store and add them to your moisturiser and reap the benefits whilst saving yourself a lot of money. One example is the MV Organics Pure Jojoba Seed Oil, this is exactly what it says. There is just one ingredient in here and that is pure jojoba seed oil which you can purchase for £5.49 for 50ml compared to the £30 bottle they sell on Cult Beauty. 

There are of course other resolutions on my list like losing weight, exercising more, eating better (yawn, I know) and also wearing earrings and just generally being less of a tit this year. Thank you so much for reading this a ridiculously long post but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. Thank you all for everything you have done for yourselves this year. I have had people reach out to me when I feel like dog shit and just knowing that people care about you can be a total game-changer. So above all, whether you achieve what you want to or not please look after yourselves. There is only one of you after all. Please leave a comment, share your highs and lows of the year, your resolutions and what you are most looking forward to next year. I cannot wait to read them all. Take care.

What are your goals for 2018 and what have you learned this year?

Love 
Kiran

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38 comments

  1. Kiran, this was so beautiful. I've experienced some of the same things you've gone through. Make videos! I think we need more "not so perfect" youtube gurus! I started and stopped just like you. I'm going to try and start again. I might disable comments LOL But I think I am going to try. Know that you don't have to buy everything that comes out! Everything is not for everybody. I've let "hot" makeup items just go by. It wasn't me. I've also learned to wait! Sales are great towards the end of the year.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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    1. Thank you so much Kim, I would love to watch your videos, I bet they are fab xxx

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  2. This is a beautiful post Kiran and I can relate too. I struggled with insecurities most of my life but there was one day when I had enough and told myself 'fuck everything' I will do whatever I want and nobody will stop me. I had zero confidence when I started my blog but I managed to overcome this and started posting outfit photos in my second year and put myself out there. And don't be hard on yourself for not being at the point you want to be at that age. I am 37 and I am nowhere near but I don't care, I take one step at a time and enjoy life to the fullest. :)

    Yiota
    PinkDaisyLoves

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    1. That is great advice Yiota, thank you for reading and leaving such a lovely comment! Xx

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  3. Beautiful Kiran. I feel akin to so many notions you were talking about. At 22 I feel a little frazzled and I hear where you're coming from. You're right, seize the day! Happy New Year!

    x,
    S | Je M'appelle Chanel

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  4. I TOTALLY AGREE!! I mentioned that this year I wanted to stop making excuses for myself because that only allows me to prevent myself to not achieve my goals! I actually mentioned this in my resolutions too. And haha I thought I was the only one who had their ears pierced but didn't wear earrings, it's small world. Happy New Year!

    - Avalon from simplyavalon.blogspot.com

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    1. What a lovely comment, this made me smile so much. Nope I am part of that club too, I was looking for earrings earlier this week just some simple pretty versatile studs but couldn't find any that looked nice enough ugh it it is a real struggle xxx

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  5. Beautiful post! I hope you achieve everything you wish to this year, and a Happy New Year to you!
    I particularly enjoyed the section about Gratitude, I'm not sure if you've ever seen this ted talk but I find it massively encouraging and inspirational for when I need some positivity in my life so have a watch if you have any time: https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work

    Great post :)
    Yasmin x
    The Sweet Seven Five

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    1. I will have a watch, thank you so much for sharing it with me! Xxx

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  6. I'm sorry you had so many tough moments last year, but it's great you are using them to create a better 2018 and to set yourself up for sucess. It's true, we have so much to be thankful for! :)

    I wish I'd stuck with blogging when I started my first blog, and that I had all the fancy tools and techniques for doing my youtube videos. But I can only do what I can with what I've got, and as long as I'm having fun, it doesn't matter how high quality my videos are! It's good just to try different things :)

    Happy new year! Hope that 2018 has started nicely for you! Mine has been so enjoyable as I'm still on leave from work so I'm taking the opportunity to relax!

    Away From The Blue Blog

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    1. That's brilliant, and I am starting to come around to that way of thinking as well. As long as I enjoy it who cares? Thank you for reading Mica xxx

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  7. Happy New Year Kiran! This is such a lovely post. Take one step at a time hun. I wish you all the very best for 2018 Hun! x

    Ann-Marie | http://facetocurls.com/

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    1. Same to you beautiful! Happy New Year xxx

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  8. Happy New Year lovely! Amen to saying f*ck you to insecurities! I'm also one to constantly procrastinate but this year I'm going to try and curb that. Hope you have the best 2018!

    Beckie // The Pale Tails

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  9. Happy New Year Kiran! I can relate to a lot of what you posted. Please don't worry about being 23 and feeling like you haven't accomplished a lot: when I was 23, I was still in university, living at home and taking care of my younger sister who has autism and helping my parents out because that was when my dad passed away. I felt so bad about myself because I still didn't graduate university at that point. I can also relate to what you said about worrying too much about what other people find out about you: I actually used to blog a lot when I was a teenager (back in the Xanga and Myspace days in the mid-2000's), and I would always have so much drama, but my dad would teach me to not put too much heart on my sleeve because there are people who are out to hurt you. That's also why I don't share my blog with my family, friends or acquaintances though. You never know who's talking behind your back.

    I too resolve to not buy as much makeup, especially when I have so much bills to pay and vacations I want to take.

    I wish you the best and keep posting, I love reading your posts <3

    Hannah the Mad Dog

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    1. Thank you Hannah, that was so heartwarming to read. You have been through so much, you are truly such a great person. Thank you for taking the time to comment, I hope you have such a great year Hannah xxx

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  10. Nice resolutions for this new year :)
    Happy New Year Dear!
    Beauty and Fashion Freaks

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  11. I can so relate its sort of disgusting. All this hatred on yourself because you haven't conquered the world at the age of 22-- which is how old I am. We are all capable of reaching our goals, but ti doesn't mean that we will reach them all at the same pace or in the exact same way-- because we are different people with different talents and life circumstances. You made some blog money this year-- I didn't as much. But I did some other cool stuff. I loved this post-- srsly what I'm feelsing rn.

    http://cynicalduchess.com

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    1. Thank you, it makes me feel a lot less shit knowing others feel the same way. Thank you for reading and leaving me a comment it means a lot xxx

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  12. Great resolutions! I completelly agree with not making excuses! It has drawn me back too many times! Great post!

    Love,
    Olga from Myme

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    1. Same, I want to apply that to everything as well. Not just about pushing myself and not procrastinating but also cancelling plans and calling in sick to work etc. I think I will do another post and go into it more depth.

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  13. I love resolutions you set for yourself. I want to wish you all the best with them, love. May 2018 the best year for you. xx

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

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  14. No real resolutions, I don't do them. But constant self improvement!
    And I started filming for You Tube many years ago, way before I started uploading. Always wonder what could have been if I would have just seen it through...

    Anne - Linda, Libra, Loca

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  15. Happy New Year!! You made some great resolutions.

    Gemma x
    www.jacquardflower.uk

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  16. These are some fantastic resolutions Kiran and I loved reading them! I definitely want to control my stress a bit better this year, I get myself so worked over things I can do nothing about. I'm sure I'm going grey at 24! Wish me luck...

    Musings & More

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  17. So many amazing resolutions.
    Great post.
    xx
    https://theonethattravels.wordpress.com/

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  18. I love this so much! Honesty and gratitude is so important hope you had a lovely new year :) http://www.bauchlefashion.com/2018/01/5-ways-to-decode-your-valentines-day.html

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